Trick or Treat

In the past we have always gone to my good friends house to trick or treat. (our boys have been friends since they were 4) The men would take the boys out and the girls would stay back at the house and get the food going.
Then last year the soccerboy wanted to change things up a bit. He wanted to have a party at our house, instead of going trick or treating. Which is to be expected. The boys were after all, 15 years old. Kinda too old to be out .
 Now, I am all about parties (adult parties) and having a good time, I mean fun. So we let the soccerboy have a party.
No harm, no foul.
Some silly string and water balloons. Loads of food.
No, not the kind of party you were thinking.
Just a group of boys hanging out doing stupid stuff.
No alcohol at my house.
I'm not one of those parents. So, I guess I'm not cool.
Nor will I ever be, if giving alcohol to minors is what it takes.
So this year we really won't be doing any trick or treating, since the soccerboy will be 16. He will be out and about with his friends in his new car.
Doing what you ask? Well probably nothing but wasting gas driving around.

Oh, that new found freedom.

Of course the tattoo girl will be out at a costume party.   She hasn't been trick or treating for awhile. She is after all 20 years old.

So anyways this year we actually bought candy to pass out. I am just afraid that since we have not really been home in the last couple of years, we may not get any trick or treaters.

So I did what any good parent would do. I bought only candy that we would eat. You know just in case no one comes by. We don’t want to be stuck with a bunch of crap candy now do we?

Even if we don’t get any trick or treaters, we will be dressing the dogs up. Since they love to participate in the holiday too.
Maybe the sportsman and I can dress up too. You know to scare the kids who come to the door.
What do you think. Maybe I could be sluty Dorothy. You know from the "wizard of oz". I mean I do live in Kansas after all.

But if I am sluty Dorothy then what will the sportsman be?

Most likely we will spend the night watching all the horror flicks that will be playing on tv.
It might be kinda nice you know, just the sportsman and I.
To have the house alone to fool around, I mean to role play, no I mean to sit and cuddle. Yeah thats it we will sit and cuddle the whole night.
I'm thinking I might just like this new tradition.

Sounds awesome doesn’t it.

Happy Halloween!

Dead@17 Commission - Nara vs Violet

Here is a piece someone recently commissioned me to do. It's Dead@17's Nara Kilday battling Violet Grey from the end of Blood of Saints. The only tweak to it is he wanted Nara in a "goth punky outfit", which I was more than willing to provide. I'm pretty happy with how this piece turned out. It came together pretty quickly. One thumbnail got me the pose I wanted and it took from there. This is ink on bristol, colored with Prismacolors. Hope you like it.

Cake, I will Survive- Cause I am a badass!

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
I kept thinking
I could never live without you by my side

But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you'd done me wrongAnd I grew strong
I learned how to get along

So now you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
Without the look upon your face
I should have changed my fucking lock
I would have made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart
I'm trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high

And you see me
With somebody new
I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you
And so you thought you'd just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my loving
For someone who's loving me

Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire

Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I
I will survive

As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my live to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

Sneak Peek

Here's a little teaser of a comic book cover I'm working on.

More Frisco STYLE Strips

Written by the staff of Frisco STYLE Magazine and illustrated by me.

Rose Colored Glasses

Have you heard the saying?
 I'm sure you have.
"To view something with rose colored glasses".

I have prayed alot lately to be able to see my sportsman with rose colored glasses.
Yes, I pray. and no its not any big freakin secert that I believe in God.

So I have been praying to see no flaws in my sportsman.
So that I can fall back in love with him again.
So that we can have the life together we should have.
So that I can over look the sex issues that I have with him. 
So that I can stay committed to only my sportsman.

So recently we went to a concert. 
We go to concerts all the time.
Concerts are after all one of the few things that we both truly enjoy and have a kickass time together.

So at this most recent concert, it finally came to me. Hit me like a ton of bricks. While the sportsman was gently stroking my hair and kissing my neck.
The sportsman, he does e v e r y t h i n g right.
He says all the right things, he touches me in all the right ways, 
 I truly mean e v e r y t h i n g to him. 
During the song “The Bleeding” by Five Finger Death Punch, I opened my eyes for the first time.
The sportsman would do  a n y t h i n g  for me. 

HE WANTS ME! Only ME!
What a freakin awesome deal.
I should feel so lucky.
That he is sooooo damn loyal.

For whatever reason I had been blind to all of that.
I was so busy pushing him away over the (1) sex thing.
Granted it is a  b i g thing, don't get me wrong,
but I have come to terms that it is not everything in the grand scheme of things.  For real people it really isn't.

So recently my mother dropped off a cd that she wanted me to listen to.
I said fine, dropped it on the table and didn’t think twice about it.
On my drive in I popped it into my cd player and gave it a listen.

Did I tell you that this cd was a christain rock band? No?
Well it was.  The music on the cd made me cry all the way in to work.  Which I don't normally do. It just I have been going thru sooo much emtional shit lately. I had to finally let some of it out.

It made me think about how much I have really fucked up lately.

Then when I got to work , the only station that would come in on my freakin radio was K-LOVE, the christain radio station.

 Is that a freakin sign or what.

So as I sat here at work, and reflected on all that has happened so far this morning. It made me really think .

It made me think back to all my good friends, who have been very supportive of me even though I have made some bad choices recently.  Thank You.

They kept telling me that I owed it to the sportsman to give him a chance.

So besides God, I truly have two people to thank.

One is Jersey Girl Gets Real and the other is Mashugamom.  
They both were very supportive of me, and were also pretty adamant that I not end my marriage over this one thing.

So thank you both for being such good friends.
Sorry it took me so long to finally get "it" thru my thick skull.

I honestly finally get it .
It just took me a while to get my shit together.
Better late than never right?

While I’m not perfect, for real.
 I know that I will make mistakes along the way,
 thats only human right?
I can tell you that I am now
on the right path to make my marriage work.
Even if It is with the help of
some rose colored glasses.

American Airlines Cents Magazine

I was recently commissioned to do some freelance illustrations for American Airlines. One of their publications is called Cents Magazine, which is published for American Airlines Federal Credit Union. They did a story on "Surviving Self-Employment: Five money rules to help you stay ahead of the curve". They needed some illustrations to go along with it and contacted me to see if I'd be interested in the job. Well, of course I was. They sent over the story along with some ideas they had and I went to it. Here is the finished results, hope you like it. I had fun working on it.

Joy Riding

Recently a bunch  of the soccerboys friends have turned sixteen. Which means young newbies out on the road.

The funny part is none of them look old enough to be driving. When they are out and about, it is comical to hear about the other drivers reactions to the fact they look sooooo young.

So anyways, I am not ready for the soccerboy to get his licence just yet. He has had plenty of “drive time” in so I have no doubt that he is more than qulified to be out on the road. It is all the other idots out there that I worry about.
Besides experience comes with t i m e.

I worry even to this day when I hear sirens and the tattoo girl has just left the house. I will call her just to see if she is alright.

I know that I will worry about the soccerboy also.
Again he is more than qualified to be out on the road with out me. It is just part of being a parent, to worry right?

So this week the soccerboy gets his car, next week he will take his test.  Where did the time go.

Exciting? No?

I have mixed emotions. I am sure it will be fine. The big part is I tend to be a little over protective of my children. But, not anymore than the average parent.

My bigger concern is the fact that I have to cover the car insurance for the soccerboy. Well half anyways. The soccerboy is required to get a job and pay for his half.
That is only right.

His dad bought him the car, So I am responsible for the insurance.  Somehow I think I totally got screwed in this deal.

What I want to know is why the hell a man's insurance is sooooo freakin much more than a womans????
I mean really, I have seen women in their cars on the freeway putting on make-up while they are driving.
Hello! Can you freakin say accident waiting to happen.

(Yes, I do have a friend who does this.) She knows I am just busting her balls right now about it.

 My point is women are just as crazy as men drivers.

Isn’t that kinda WRONG, to charge one gender more than the other???
We are equals right?

Just sayin..........

Bitterness

Recently, with much pain I came to a big super huge realization.

The realization about the word “moving on”.

Now, this word might mean something different to you.  Moving on doesn’t have to be a b a d thing.

Honestly, it just depends on “who” is doing the moving on.

In my opinion moving on is only cool if both parties are in agreement, to move on.

Now if you have a situation where only one of you is wanting to “move on”well then, enter sadness (here).

So here we are moving on.

Whether I wanted to or not.
Yes I know I have said I was moving on multi times before. However, this time it is for real.

Change is good.

Things happen for a reason.

All good things eventually come to an end.

I firmly believe in these things.

I have a male friend at work,that has been aware of all that was going on. In his opinon, he said that I didn’t really care or love this “guy” as much as I think I did. WTF? 

 I disagree.

 What kind of friend tells you that?

 Well, I’ll tell you. An honest one.

My friend says, that I was only in it for the chase.  I was only enjoying it because It felt like I was the one in control. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Could this be true? I am a super huge control freak.

I mean really, wasn’t I just using him as much as he was using me?  So I shouldn’t be all that sad to see it end. Right? What ev er.

I still think of him frequently.  The whole situation certainly impacted my life in a positive way. I will never forget him.

Was I ready to move on?

I don’t know. 

 Did I have a choice? Um, No. 

 Will it all be ok?  Eventually.Everything happens for a reason. You just don't realize till later, that the change is a good thing.

I'm not sure who I am trying to convince, me or you?

All good things eventually come to an end.

Electronic Distractions

For awhile now (well since I got my iphone) the sportsman has had a big NO, a super huge issue with me being on my phone all the time.  I’m NOT really on it all the time, for real. Seriously!

Now he is totally supportive of me writing for my blog, which he knows I have. (we even discussed me getting one of thos mini computer note pad things, just for my writing)But the constant texting, checking of emails, and fb messages is driving him up the fucking wall.

Recently we cancelled our home phone (after 9 years) so my phone nubmer is considered our home phone.

So I  n e v e r  turn it off.

My biggest reason for this is when the tattoo girl or soccerboy are not home I want them to be able to reach me at any time in case of emergecy.

So I sleep with my phone. I know ,I know you don’t have to tell me.  It is totally wrong.

The sportsman has said on several occasions that I should turn it off when we go to bed

The reason being, every single time I get an email, personal and work my phone makes a noise.
Everytime I get a fb message it chimes.  I know there is a vibrate feature on this phone, but even on vibrate the sound in the middle of the night can be incredible loud.

It really pisses him off to hear the ding ding noise when a message or text comes in.

The bigger issue is when we are out, whether at the soccerboys games, or out to dinner my phone is constantly buzzing. Or I am texting someone.

It's not like I hide it from him. Even on occasion, I share with the sportsman what I am reading. Like Jersey Girl Gets Real blog page, or a funny remark on FB. Which again alot of the time is the Jersey Girls fb page.  She just cracks me up.

Now one would say, “why don’t you put it away while out with the sportsman”. Good point, except again this is our “home” phone and honestly the majority of the time it is my children that I am texting.

Hello that is part of being a parent. Being available 24/7.

So you can see how all this is totally annoying the sportsman in a major way.

I am working on it, seriously.  I have made more of an effort when we are out together that I don’t even pull the phone out of my purse.

Baby steps people, baby steps.

I know, where would the world be if we had no smart phones? 

 I’ll tell you,

with more free time

to just sit and reflect on life.

Not a bad thing I suppose.

Lady Death Sketch Cards

My next set up from 5finity is the Lady Death Sketch Card Set. Should be a great set, artists actually had to "audition" for this one by sending is a sample drawing before being accepted. So keep your eyes open for this one.

My basic process for digital rendering

Here is my basic process for rendering an illustration in PS CS4.

My initial sketches are always very, very rough. This piece is for an adult short story: Landlady by Roald Dahl.

 

Then I started with value study by using a big, textured brush. At this stage, I did't worry about colors, because I will add color later with a small trick.

I don't like working with too many layers, so only the backround(usually a grey color), initial sketch, and the painting layer.

At first I had the landlady standing behind the door, but then I changed the composition, because I wanted the viewer to focus on the young man's gesture, expression, and feeling.

Now let's talk about the trick. I added a new adjustment/curve layer at the top. Note: click "RGB", at the drop down menu, choose blue, red, or green one at a time, and adjust the curve to see how it affects the image. By using this function, you can give the image a new color.

Last but not the least, I added more details and the warm lighting effect, to give it more visual contrast.

It's not done yet. I have to refine it later.

Thursdays Fun and Games

JUST AN FYI.

Half-Nekkid Thursdays is NOT all about being NAKED.
The key word is 1/2.
Which means you can show "half" of  
a n y t h i n g.
 It doesn't have to be a dirty thing.
I'm just saying.

So since I did not participate in last weeks HNT.
I promised a few of you, I would make up for it this week.
So here you go.  This is why I work 7 days a week at the gym. Enjoy it.
I know my sportsguy sure does.

Don't forget to stop by the Other HNT

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Sketch Card

A recent commission. I'm always open for commissions, so if you want something done, just drop me a line.

Touche

By taking the high road, there is a certain calm that has come over me.


As I take a deep breath and let all the bad shit out.
I am free.
I no longer have to deal with “it”.
I am a better person because of my choice.


I am free of the “badness” and it is a good/great/awesome freakin feeling.


Now, I don’t normally quote religious types of things  here (not that I'm not a religious person but but I do realize that not everyone is and just cause I choose a certain way of life doesnt mean everyone shares in my lifestyle choice) but I felt this was appropriate.

7 things that God hates;
1) A proud look,
(2) a lying tongue,
(3) hands that shed innocent blood,
(4) a heart that devises wicked imaginations,
(5) feet that are swift in running to mischief,
(6) a false witness who speaks lies, and
(7) one who sows discord among brethren.


I am a firm believer of these.
I’ll end it with, the definition of the word Touche :
-an acknowledgment that a scoring hit has been made in a fencing competition;
-Used to acknowledge a hit in fencing or a successful criticism or an effective point in argument;


My use of this word today is, Enjoy it now, cause it won’t last. What goes around comes around.
You may think your witty now, but it will come back to bite you in the ass.
Mark my words.
God will see to it.
Just you wait and see.

I am sure glad that I have him on my side.

Concert Review time, and How I almost got arrested 2 times.

Here is this week’s concert review. It was supposed to be Shinedown and Chevelle.

But that is not what you're gonna fucking get, You will however get a freakin review on Chevelle and LOVE IT!!!!

If it makes it any better I have some great  good  average photos you can check out.

So let me take you back for one minute. The reason I even got to attend this kickass concert was because of the sportsman.
Ya Sportsman!

The sportsman has been on a really good run, as of late with planning some really awesome shit for us to do on the weekends. So when the sportsman found out that Shinedown and Chevelle were coming to our area he made plans for us to go. How freakin awesome is that?
Even though, they are not his favorite. He was willing to go anyways just for little ole me.

So the concert was scheduled to be at the Missouri State Fair. (yah, not the best place to see a concert but what the hell)Which is held in Sedalia, about an hour and half away from where we live.


No biggie, we both took off early from work that day. So that we could get on the road and beat all of the crazy ass lake traffic.


Did I mention that, Friday was an ozone alert day? No? Well it was and it was hotter than hell outside.


So the sportsman and I got to the Fair grounds, we picked up our tickets (which were the 7th row from the stage- AWESOME) and we head for the beer tents.  Cause on a hot day who doesn't need some ice cold beer?
It just so happened that my first husband was running one of the beer tents. So we stopped by for a free couple of beers.


Yes, I get along great with my ex. He is a great guy, very funny, and a fun to hang out with.


So while the sportsman went to get some more cash, I was hangin out with the ex. I had ordered one of those “foot long” hot dogs. Well, I have to tell you when it arrived the Ex and I almost pissed our pants. There was no doubt it was a “Foot Long” but it was the skinniest fucking hot dog I have ever seen.


So you know from that moment on it was full on all dick jokes. All about penicl dicks and any other skinny dick jokes you have ever heard. We were laughing so hard, that when the sportsman came back he was all wondering what the hell was up. (the funniest part was the ex has huge one, so it really was an "inside" joke) ha ha ha


At this point, I only had two beers. Don’t forget that it was freakin HOT out, so I was sweating it out pretty damn fast.


So the sportsman and I head into the concert, we watch the first band (Chevelle) which was totally awesome. I couldn’t believe how great they sounded. They played for, I think 45 min.


So in between waiting for Shinedown to come on stage, a storm hit. The wind started whipping around, then it started to sprinkle. No biggie. That won’t stop a show right? So the sportsman and I head to get more beer while we are waiting. Since now we were on a Storm delay.


Not really sure how many beers I had at this point.

Too many, for sure.

But I do remember stopping to chat with a couple of young officers. Where I touched, the officer’s name tag and proceeded to tell him about how my brother was a Captain (well he freakin is!!!) and that I wanted his name so I could relay what a fine job he was doing.


The sportsman started to freak, and pulled me away rather quickly, while he told me that I could of been arrested. WTF? The sportsman says you NEVER touch a police officer. Huh? What?
I wasn’t doing anything wrong. So Whatever.


SO we left to get a really yummy funnel cake (which I will tell you later how they don’t mix well with beer).


At this point the wind is really blowing hard, I wore a black top, that ended up covered in powder sugar.


Which I found really fucking funny. but this was just another reason excuse for the sportsman to touch my boobs.


Did I mention that porta potties are not the best place to fool around? No, well if I had not been so drunk we would of NEVER gone in there. Anyway, that’s a story for some other time.


So we headed back to see if the concert was going to start. At this point it was 10:30. The sportsman and I were trying to decide just how long we were going to wait for Shinedown to play.


We went back out and stood with a bunch of other drunks in front of the stage and had a really good time. Waiting. We waited till about 11pm and then were told that the show was cancelled.


That really freakin sucked. Then it really started to rain hard and our car was parked way the fuck back at the very end of the parking lot. It was such a long walk I had to stop and pee along the way. Can you say long ass walk when you’re drunk.

All I can remember from this point on is not feeling so well and having the sportsman pull over along the freeway.


While I am hurling my guts out the door, within minutes a lovely young officer pulled over behind us, and the sportsman was shitting his pants. Not that he wasn’t sober enough to drive home, but he probably wouldn’t have passed a breath test.


So you can count that as #2 time that I could have been arrested in one night. The sportsman was beginning to get a little peeved at me.


Honestly, I have to say that after I threw up my lovely funnel cake, I passed out for the rest of the drive home. Which the sportsman said it took us two and half hours cause of the storm and rain.


It took me the entire next day to finally feel just a little bit better.


I have to tell you that the sportsman and I had the best time even with all that happened. We laughed and had so much fun just hanging out with each other. It was very refreshing. I had forgotten just how good looking he is when he smiles.


So that is my concert review on Chevelle. Maybe I will get to see Shinedown the next time they come thru town.

Just a Shadow on the wall

Forbidden

They call it the forbidden fruit for a reason.
Cause its NOT allowed.
It means viewing purpose only.



What the fuck, who really ever listens to that? Even with knowing what the consequences are. Most continue on.

Struggling

I am truly struggling today. It’s more than just a “funk” kinda day. I know it will pass.
I keep telling myself that, this to shall pass.

I was very apprehensive of writing about this for public viewing. I know “he” reads my blog and I know “he” is a very private person. I’m not here to hurt him or try and win him back.
I’m just not that kind of person. I know when to bow out and let go.

It's just I have to express what I am going thru in order to move on and get passed this sadness. Enough said? Yes

So

Today I havnet been able to get ”him” out of my fucking head.
I think back to the last time I saw "him". Seems like f o r e v e r.

About how it felt , waiting to see him. Those moments before. The excitement.

My heart racing with anticipation. As I sit here right now and close my eyes, I can still smell "him".

I can still taste his lips. I can see that sparkle/happiness in his beautiful eyes when we were together.

Now I wonder if it was all just me? Alone with my feelings.

I really enjoy his company, even though we don’t really have much in common. Opposites? Maybe.

He is a very special guy.

You ask then what is the freakin draw? I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on why the attraction. I just can’t explain it. It’s just a feeling. An over whelming feeling. You know the one.
The one that you can't say NO to.
The one that keeps pulling you back.

I have wondered lately, Is there really something there or is it just the thrill of ”it” being forbidden? For me? For him?

If it’s just the thrill, then why do I have feelings for him?
And why now is my heart breaking?

I knew this day would come. I just wasn’t prepared.
It’s similar to the death of someone, that has a terminal illness. You know they are going to die, so you try and prepare yourself along the way. However, when it actually happens, you are not prepared and it does not make it any less painfull knowing in advance.

The sadness is real.
It’s not like we had anything. It was just a “thing”.
That I allowed to get out of control for me.

I actively participated in this. I knew what I was getting into, and I chose to continue anyways. I just didn’t expect to fall for him. Did I mention how persuasive he is?

I let my guard down. You know, I’m a sucker for an awesome kisser and a big cock. Ha ha

He came into my life when I really needed someone. He helped fill a void. He made me happy.

Nothing wrong with that right?

All the while knowing that there would never be anything to come out of it. I still chose to continue on.

So I take full responsibility, for where I am right now.
It is no ones fault but my own. I just hate the sadness that I am feeling.
I know I will be forgotten and replaced by someone else.
 It’s just a fact.
I wish I could say I didn’t give two shits. But I do care.

So here I am.

Dealing with it.

Until the sadness goes away.

Comfort Zones

It’s no secret that I discuss things HERE that are most definitely outside of most peoples comfort zones.


That is just MY personality.
I have a natural ability to talk to people about a n y t h i n g.
I am a very open person.
Yes, some things I keep private, but for the most part I share all.



 Here we talk/discuss such topics as:
Anal beads;
What your shit says about you;
Swingers;
Sexual positions;
Age Appropriate clothes;
That time of the month;
Cheating;
Death;
Music;
Movies;


So you get the freakin idea, there is NO limit to what I write about. It also may or may not surprise you that I am a very sexual person.
and
I'm freakin positive that I'm not the only one out there that is.
The difference between most people and me is I am not afraid to talk about it.


Anyways my reason behind my rambling this morning is I want to share with you a one really cool person.


It is NO coincidence that the Jersey Girl Gets Real  and I share the same name.
Or
That we have sooooo much freakin shit in common. It’s almost like we were separated at birth. I won’t share all the things with you, since they really won’t mean anything to YOU.
It’s “our” little secret.


I will share with you the BIG reason why I think she is such an amazing person.
It's not just cause she is a Oh, soooo witty person.

The BIG reason we have become such fast friends (in my opinion) is that we both write about shit outside of the “comfort zone”.


We both feel at ease discussing things that are indeed outside of the norm. I've joked many times before about how I am really a 70’s flower child. I am not afraid to be open to new things. At least once.


You know, the kinds of things that others turn their noses up at.


Well the Jersey Girl Gets Real isn’t afraid either.
 I just think that is the coolest shit ever!


I can tell you that the type of things we discuss or write about is not for “shock” value. It honestly is all just matter of fact shit.
There is no fear or shame there because of the topics we discuss.


Everyone should try "it" sometime.
You know, move out of your comfort zone.
Embrace it even.
Don’t always live inside a bubble for fear of what others might think.
Be open to it.

Oh, also go check out the
 Jersey Girl.

 She rocks!